kc chronic pain help

I often feel as if I am riding an emotional “roller coaster”. I am up and down like the wind, usually moving with my pain or fatigue. . .but then there are times when it seems completely unrelated. Today I was overcome with sadness, a feeling of grief in a sense. I had a good morning from a pain perspective and I was able to get myself together for an appointment. By the time I returned home a couple of hours later I was exhausted. My son was worn out too, so we laid down to rest. I was blessed with the gift of having my husband at home working, so I could leave my daughter in his care. It was a great blessing, since I napped for about 3 hours. When I awoke the tears almost instantly started. I was so sad that I had spent another afternoon in bed, that my daughter spent most of her afternoon watching television, as her mother slept, again.

It is summer vacation from school. It is supposed to be a carefree time, a time of fun activity with friends or a time when your mom carts you around to places like the zoo and the community pool. I grieve for the loss that my children suffer because they have a mom that is unable to do those things on a regular basis. The tears kept flowing from my eyes today, as I told my husband how tired I was of being tired and how sad I was that my kids are getting a raw deal. I wonder if my children will understand as they get older, if they will be angry with me because of my illness that they cannot see? I wonder if they will feel unloved? I pray that my actions while I am awake and with them speak louder than the times when I am sleeping. I pray that their hearts are filled with love and comfort and that God will fill in the gaps that are left by my chronic pain and fatigue.

There is a flip-side to this coin, of coarse. There is a way to find the glass is half-full perspective. That is the when you take the approach of finding shorter, more moderate activities to do with your children. Activities that do not involve walking miles at the zoo on a scorching hot summer day, but maybe a shorter walk at a petting zoo early in the morning before the heat kicks in. It requires planning and an effort. It requires sometimes doing things on the spur of the moment because you realize you feel good and you need to take advantage of the opportunity. It may require some research.

For those who live in the Kansas City area and are currently parenting young children:

In Kansas City there are so many activities to pick from, you just have to pick wisely or be able to stand firm when it is time to cut the trip short so that you can complete the activity on another day’s visit. The Deanna Rose Farmstead in Overland Park, Kansas is a fabulous family outing that provides as little or as much entertainment as you wish. You can spend a lot of time in one spot feeding the goats, or you can spend short amounts of time at each exhibit and see it all. There is a wonderful area where the kids like to take off their shoes and splash in the water to cool off. It is a joy to watch how much fun the kids have just getting their feet wet. Another fun place to go is Paradise Park in Lee’s Summit, Missouri. They have a fabulous area called the “Edutainment Center” that young ones can explore and it is not very taxing on mom and dad. You can choose to get real involved with imaginary play or you can stand on the sidelines and watch your children’s imagination at work. These are just a couple of places that I like to go and you might enjoy, too, if you have a low “energy budget”!

So where is the continuity in this posting today? I guess there isn’t much, except that feeling sorry for one’s self only takes you so far. (I felt differently a few hours ago when I was wallowing in my self-pity) It is probably normal to feel sad at times under these circumstances and I guess I just have to continue to ride my emotional roller coaster ride!

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